Wife-Beaters, And Proper Condom Use

What do you do when the woman who comes to sweep your house offers herself to you? Think about it while I tell you a story.

Ever since our live-in housekeeper reached an advanced age (and size) we have had a woman come in to sweep and mop. In fact, we have had several in turn, but this one has lasted the longest. She is extremely honest and hard-working, and my parents have routinely trusted her. She is also terribly timid and shy, working with her head covered by the fold of her sari, and avoiding all eye-contact and instruction.

This woman cannot be older than 25, yet she's been married for several years now, and has at least three children already. My mother has regularly given her lectures on small families being happy, and encouraged her to stop having more children. They don't seem to have worked, because every year she has another child.

Anyway, towards the end of October last year I moved back home, in anticipation of another round of D-School exams. I find it far more convenient to be at home while I study, when all meals and other domestic responsibilities can be palmed off to others. I was at home for perhaps a month, and a strange month it was indeed.

One day I was sitting at my desk, preoccupied by the contents of the book open before me, none of which was making any sense. All kinds of crap was happening in my life at that time too, so I wasn't in a particularly cheerful mood.

"Aap naaraaz hain mujhse?" I looked around to see this woman standing behind me, not making eye-contact as usual.

In all the months before, I had had occasion to say perhaps ten words to her, most of which would have been along the lines of 'please sweep here later I'm sleeping'. Moreover I hadn't been home for a consistent period of time for a few months. So for the life of me I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. Why would I be angry with her? I told her I was no such thing.

"Aap naaraz lagte hain. Aap naaraz hain mujhse?" All right, fine, I didn't look particularly happy, but I made clear to her that it had nothing to do with her and could she please go now?

"Aap kya chahte hain mujhse?" What do you want from me?

Now wait a minute. What? I would like to say that warning bells went off in my head, but really I had no idea what was going on, and I daresay I was a little short with her.

She went off, muttering something along the lines of "Mera aadmi bahut gussa karega. Bahut maarega mujhe," meaning my husband will be very angry and will beat me. Beat her for talking to me? Beat her because I am angry with her? It didn't make any sense.

A very strange incident, but I would have forgotten all about it if it didn't make periodic repeats over the next month or so. She seemed to follow me around, taking twice as long to sweep a room if I happened to be in it. This appeared to be a running battle with her natural shyness, because quite often she would not come into a room if I was already there. She would also steal furtive glances in my direction every now and then. And, of course, occasionally ask me if I was still angry with her.

I chose the ignore approach. I had no idea what to do, nor indeed what she was trying to do. In the mornings when she would come to sweep my room while I was sleeping, even if I would be awake I would stay under the sheet until she left, hoping the problem would go away on its own.

It did, eventually, when I finished my exams and moved back into the apartment, but not before she had had a chance to exact some measure of what I could only guess was revenge. She appeared to take some great pleasure in turning off the fan and leaving the room while I slept, or rattling and banging around the furniture, and even once in trying to pull the sheet off me.

By now it was clear to me that she was trying to get me to do something, but I couldn't understand why. Her regular mutterings about her beating husband certainly didn't seem like they were designed as encouragement. Her telling me "aap bahut acchhe hain", meaning I'm very nice, didn't sit particularly well either.

Anyway, so I left after that, and over the next two months only returned home on occasional weekends. The problem too seemed to have gone away, because she said or did nothing else.

Towards the end of January, she gave birth to another kid. My mother went ballistic, lecturing her on how she was contributing to her own condition, burdening herself and her husband with one more child, adding to the country's population problem, and generally being traitorous to the nation.

A couple of days ago, I was thinking about this whole episode, and suddenly it all made sense to me, after a fashion. This woman, whether she intended to or not, got pregnant. She probably didn't want to have another child, and her husband too wasn't keen on it. When she found out that she was pregnant, she realised that her husband would be very angry if he found out that they were to have another kid. He probably used to beat her anyway, and this would not have gone unpunished.

My belief is that she was trying to find a way out of this mess. If she could get someone to, well, oblige, then all kinds of possibilities with respect to the child would open up. Her mumblings about beating husbands and how nice I was and if I wanted anything from her etc. all make some kind of sense in this context.

If this entire supposition is true, and there is no need to believe either way, then firstly, what a mess! If it had been someone else in my place, who knows what would have happened? A most sordid affair, it would have turned out to be.

Secondly, it raises the whole contraceptive debate as well. I mean, you can't really stop the poor from having sex. You can't stop anyone from having sex. At least if you're somewhat well-off you can afford to buy protection, and you might be better aware of the consequences of not using any. If you're poor, no matter how many free condoms and things you get, it's not likely to be enough, and you cannot afford more. You may also be less likely to consider the risks involved, especially of conception. In other words, if condoms are uncomfortable and sex more pleasurable without, then if you're not convinced of the need for one you won't use one.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is that the rate of growth of the poor population (around the world) is higher not because they want more children, but because they can avoid it less. Hardly very earth-shaking a conclusion, but it hits harder when you see it happen around you.